Tomorrow has been designated a day of remembrance for Charlie Kirk as it would have been his 32nd birthday.

I assume there will be a swarm of social media posts. Some will be honoring the Lord. Some will be simple declarations of faith. Many will be sharing support and unity with his loved ones. There will most likely also be a steady stream of hateful and spiteful things just as there was even within hours of his death.

I imagine for years to come people will talk about where they were when they heard the news of his assassination. Just as our parents and grandparents still remember the murders of MLK and JFK. Even as our parents and some of us remember 9/11 with vivid emotional responses.

I didn’t really follow Charlie. I would watch some of the videos of his debates. I typically agreed with him. With the exception that he said pancakes are superior to waffles… Several videos had come up in the Facebook algorithms in the days leading up to his death. I don’t think it was a coincidence. I think the Lord may have been putting Charlie more in my mind so that I wouldn’t be scrambling trying to figure out who they were talking about when the news hit. So that I would recognize the deeper impact right away. Perhaps He was doing the same for others.

I am not connected to the Turning Point organization. I’ve never met the Kirks. I’ve never been to a debate or event of Turning Point. I have literally only seen clips of debates and interviews. Yet when one of the women I work with posted in our group chat he had been shot, I just felt this tremor of emotion smack me right in the face. I struggled to understand for a moment. Then I made the mistake of going on Telegram and looking for updates from Amir Tsarfati as he was in touch with people and always reliable for keeping people updated.

I watched the video.

Oh how I wish I had not. I’m 40 years old and have actually never seen a dead body. Cremation and closed casket funerals are the norm in my family. I’ve never seen the death of someone on video outside of Hollywood TV and movie depictions. It was such a shock to my system. And as I was trying to read comments, it kept replaying. I felt hollowed out.

There were contradicting reports that he had died vs survived. As we were trying to talk it out in the group chat, we were torn between praying over a miracle and being unsure if we should be in grief yet.

It was such a confusing emotion for me. I felt like this was so close to home. As if a relative or member of my own church and ministry community had died violently. I felt like I was feeding off others, as if the grief was contagious and not actually my own. But the Lord whispered to me that I wasn’t grieving a man I knew. The Holy Spirit was grieving in me for a man HE knew.

A man was executed for his bold proclamation of Jesus. He was murdered for representing Christ which we are all called to do as His faithful servants. This is something we hear about in other nations. Believers are attacked, tortured, and brutally murdered for their faith across the world. I am more sensitive to this as I personally know missionaries in Nigeria and the organization I work for goes to nations with the Gospel that are rampant with both Islam and pagan witchcraft. But this happening at home was a different experience all together. In America we live in a bubble and that bubble popped with a single bullet last month.

A Christian was put to death in America. The land of “freedom of religion”… and men and women across this country cheered. As if it was Hitler or Osama Bin Laden that had been taken out. As if the simple declarations of Biblical, historical, and scientific facts were the ultimate criminal and evil actions.

As I was ending my work day, a feeling of just emptiness overwhelmed me. I ended up having to remove myself from Facebook. Videos of previous debates muddled in my mind with the image of the blood exploding from his neck and him slumping over.

Charlie’s death caused a turning point in my heart. I had been mulling over going back to school and starting my prayer ministry for months. But this was a catalyst in my heart that I needed to be doing more for Jesus. More than just my job. I need to truly be examining myself and how I act in all situations.

It is an odd thing but in my heart is a prayer of invitation to the world. I invite it to hate me as it hated my Messiah first. May the spirits of the enemy hate me because they see Jesus when they look upon me. May they hear Jesus being exalted and honored in everything said from my mouth. The more the world hates me, I know the closer I am in being obedient to my Lord.